When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’
Groucho Marx
It finally happened. The Chinese have found a way to become instant companions, best friends to put it mildly. They have discovered, tested, and implemented anal probes to more accurately detect coronavirus even in asymptomatic carriers.
Can we talk about this? Maybe, after we all stop giggling. No doubt there will be those who focus on the medical effectiveness and offer up the bootie for a chance at knowing if they are infected with a better than 50/50 chance of a false positive or false negative using nasal and throat swabs for the current rapid or PCR test.
There could be a few of us that instantly feel a Kegel-like flinch and just say no to anal probes. Or, there could be that one person that feels a butterfly of anticipation in the belly. There is no need to self-identify here. At Hyperion Sky, we attempt to preserve human dignity but also admit failure is an option. I like to say failure is always an option and often the best option as it is always the easiest to implement. Take this blog, for instance.
There are more invasive medical procedures but few are carried out in a mass venue where all manner of humans line up and let the Chinese care provider in the nurse outfit make friends with you. They wear a mask and gloves so don’t worry. Just make sure you see them prepare a new swab fresh from the medical sanitary wrapper. The Chinese are extremely efficient time managers so probing ten people with the same swab and testing all ten people at once is cost-effective and quicker.
Now more of you are doing your Kegels, no doubt.
Well, don’t go to China. Problem solved. Hold on there my dear reader. This has made its way to the National Institute of Health (NIH) and was published in PUBMED the resource of medical science and information. International acceptance and government mandates could be a way to push improved medical practice.
I don’t think you’ll have to worry about your prober dressing up for the occasion nor will they feign pleasantries to soothe your nerves. Any of you fellows out there who underwent a digital prostate exam know the deal. We tell ourselves, that good health doesn’t require dignity. We know that farting during the exam is an occupational hazard for the care provider. They accept some risks to get the job done. Sh*t happens, they say. I’ll just finish up with my Kegels and move on.
Throat and nasal swabs are not going away. It’s like a game of hide and seek. Did the test find the virus and report it accurately or not? Who knows? The anal probe knows. And so we must decide on making sure we are not traumatizing the health care provider by preparing with adequate personal hygiene or just say no to anal probes.
Here are a couple of references and links where you can probe the latest no-nonsense on the subject.
Forbes. China Deploys Anal Swab Tests To Detect High-Risk Covid-19 Cases
People’s Daily. “Expert interpretation – Why does nucleic acid testing increase with anal swab sampling?”
Global Times. Beijing tests for COVID-19 using anal swabs, where virus may survive longer: experts
WEB MD https://www.webmd.com/lung/news/20210128/china-using-anal-swabs-for-covid-testing
PUBMED https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8100643/
Finally, I’d like to thank my Seoul Sister for bringing this to my attention where we formed a support team whose motto is, Just say NO – to anal probe. You can join if you like by commenting below. It’s free.
Hyperion Sky 
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