(A Toast) To the people who look at the stars and wish, and to the stars who listen— and the dreams that are answered.
Sarah J. Maas, A Court of Mist and Fury
Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?
Healthsea.com defines sleep paralysis as, “a phenomenon that occurs when waking up or falling asleep. It involves the inability to move the body while maintaining consciousness. The function of most muscles are paralyzed, but respiratory functions and eye movement are often normal.
Hallucinations and feelings of severe fear and anxiety may accompany the phenomenon. The duration of an episode of sleep paralysis usually ranges from several seconds to several minutes. The incidence of sleep paralysis may be approximately 10% of the population.”
The exact cause isn’t well known but triggers include most of what it means to be human in today’s busy and anxious world. Mental and physical health play a role, which points deeper into our biology at the electro chemical maintenance of our consciousness and sleep. Some might say, being hormonally imbalanced can cause sleep paralysis. I’m surprised 90% of the population isn’t affected given our persistent struggles with health related issues in the general population.
For me, it’s caused by PTSD. Bad things always happened in the dark and so I rarely sleep comfortably or more than a few hours at a time. When the sun goes down, my dark gothic steampunk vampire awakens and bugs the crap out of me. But for some reason, I enjoy the company of a good Succubus. That is definitely scary and wicked, which is something we all like. Right? No? Oh jeez, I’m warped.
I first experienced sleep paralysis after sustained trauma during deployments. It doesn’t go well for a Pisces Sigma Male whose hard core introversion is seen as a super power in my young adult mind. My feelings of invincibility overrode all sensibilities of self preservation. I’m over that now.
At first, it was terrifying to be conscious but paralyzed while things are banging and burning all around my little piece of cover and concealment, which we introverted Pisces Sigma Male dark gothic steampunk vampires with imaginary succubus girlfriends truly and genuinely hate.
Internalized training to be ready at all times and to act with a highly trained instinct are destroyed in this mental state. In my mind, I was no longer reliable and this malady would cause great harm, even death to anyone who paused to shake me out of it at the wrong time.
I lost my purpose and felt I had lost my warrior tribe’s trust. That was all imagined, but the effect was real enough. I slipped into an existential identity crisis. My cure was to escape the torment and unaliving myself seemed like a lovely idea. The catch was, I had too many options. It was hard to decide on the most unobtrusive way to take the room temperature test. There was anxiety upon anxiety for no other reason than ignorance and stubbornness.
It turns out the cure was to ask for help and I received more compassion and expert help from so many people, I could spend all of my blog’s gigabytes of memory listing those who deserve my thanks and gratitude. The first step was to resolve the triggers or moderate them if resolution wasn’t possible. The biggest trigger for me is loud noise of any kind when I finally reach my happy REM sleep.
Call me names, insult my frenetic eccentricities, bully me hard and long about my outdated fashion choices, but please don’t pop a paper bag while I’m REMming away in a lovely dream. You could mess me up in a big way if you do that. Plus, my deep sense of public decorum as a grumpy jackass could get compromised in the offender’s direction as I quack and quake my way out of the invisible restraints.
Sleep paralysis episodes are rare for me now. I’ve learned to make good use of an episode by consciously continuing the dream while resting like a bump on a dill pickle. These dreams steer into a philosophy that knows no bounds because in that frozen state between sleep and awake, your consciousness knows no boundaries. You probably guessed that when I introduced my late night persona and his imaginary friend. Fear not. My end goal is always the birth of some way to love life and worthy others in the process of holding on for dear life. My purpose was repurposed on a more enduring foundation of love and faith.
I thought it might be fun to tell you some of my mysterious philosophies born in the twilight of awareness. The latest was awakening to reciting a poetic Edra related to my Norwegian Viking heritage. It is how the sturdy Viking Longship (Norwegian, Langskip) named Drakkar became a metaphor for love, compassion, and perseverance. These are traits not often associated in the same sentence with Vikings in legend and Folklore especially from British authors of the 8th to 10th century CE.
But hey, I also identify as a dark gothic steampunk Vampire at night with an imaginary succubus girlfriend, so it isn’t that far of a stretch for me.
If you want to travel along, stay tuned. We board the Drakkar for adventures unknown Friday morning, 1 March 2024. Pack a light lunch and lots of ale.
Hyperion Sky 
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